For many, many years I’ve suffered with anxiety, depression, and labeled many things because of my circumstances of my past. When I was 22 years old, a newlywed, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. My husband and I never had the opportunity to have children biologically. I was devastated and truly thought my life was over. I was in a very dark and sad place for what seemed like forever. I went through various trails of medications and therapy. Nothing seemed to ever truly fill the void.
Fast forward to 2015 and then again in 2020, my husband and I were blessed to adopt 3 children: Deon, Arianna, and Bentley. I was finally able to become a mother. A title I never knew if I would have the opportunity to have. I was filled with a love I never knew I had. I put my whole heart and soul into my kids. Although I was the happiest, I’ve ever been, I was also full of hate, sadness, and confusion.
In February 2022, my husband Brian crossed paths with a stranger, Justin. Two men, who did not know each other, shared the word of God. They could have just exchanged hellos, but our God had other plans. Justin shared the gospel of Jesus and how he changed his life. He had a rough past and one day, saw the goodness of God. Brian came home and told me about his encounter and how he got his phone number. I was captivated by his testimony. He invited us to his church, Family Care Ministries (Freedom home).
I was nervous, as this was out of the ordinary for me. We have attended a conservative church, and this was upbeat, charismatic, and completely different than anything I’ve ever experienced. The first time we walked in the doors, I heard things I’ve never heard before. “You are not what happened to you”, “You are a new creation in Christ”, “You are chosen”, “You are worthy”. I was shocked I thought, “Me? no I am different. They don’t understand. I’ve been though some really terrible things. I’ve done things no one knows about. I am not who they think I am. I’m not worthy and I certainly can’t ever heal from this trauma I’ve experienced. I have anger in my heart that’s rightfully exposed. I’ll never really be able to ‘get over’ anxiety”.
Time passed, and things began to change. I began to see transformation within myself I did not know existed. I truly forgave my family, my children’s biological family, and the things that used to bother me, became more and more minuscule. I found myself getting happier in general. Able to love in a way like never before. We became friends with one of the students of the program throughout our fellowship with Family Care. Kevin was the example of what God can do. Seeing him (and many others) transformed through the program, it gave me hope. “Maybe I can be saved. Maybe I do have hope” I thought. Kevin had his graduation from the program in June. My husband, kids and I were very excited to celebrate this joyous occasion with our friend.
The coming weeks before Kevin’s graduation, I had a urge that I believe was placed on my heart from God. Forgiveness/forgive. If i ever expect to heal, I must forgive their biological family. Specifically, Deon and Arianna’s birth mother. This was not something I had an easy time coming to terms with. It kept coming to my mind, “Forgive her”. I put it to the side and thought “If it is God’s will, He will make it happen”.
The day of Kevin’s graduation, Pastor Josh came up to me and asked to talk outside. He informed me that Kevin’s sister would be coming to his graduation. I looked at him with confusion as I did not know the relevance. He then said something that made me buckle at the knees. “Kevin’s sister is Deon and Arianna’s mom”. I instantly sobbed. Standing outside, I lost all composure. God truly was listening. It was Him speaking to me. I now was faced with a decision. I was able to listen to God and forgive and love, or walkway. I was able to gain my stance again and told Josh what Just had happened. No one knew any of this and the feelings that had been going through my mind for the previous weeks. We went in and after the graduation ceremony, I was able to reunite my children with the one who gave them birth and made me a mother. Tiffany and I have since became very close. I thank God and Family Care Ministries for bringing me to a point of peace in my life I never knew I was able to obtain.