Before I completely gave my life to Jesus, life just seemed like one big loss after another. I felt like a complete failure. I was a child of divorce. I didn’t realize it yet, but I yearned to recreate the family dynamic that I always wanted. I had an abusive stepfather for a little while who smoked crack, took everything I had, and put my mother and I on the street. When I was about 16, I started smoking, drinking, and experimenting with drugs. I never had the desire until then because it was so hyped up as the “cool” thing to do. I didn’t really see the issue. I dropped out of school at 18 and continued to do whatever I wanted. Things seemed great until I caught my first case, and met my first real love at age 20. We had the kind of love that was so strong being many miles apart didn’t shake it, until it did. I was crushed and for the first time, I started drowning my sorrows in alcohol and doing anything to take the pain away. It got so bad, I wasn’t myself anymore. I ended up in rehab. It was momentarily successful
and I thought I was going to be ok until my father passed away. I also had disabilities that caused me physical pain and developed an addiction to opiate painkillers after his death. This would go on for a while until I met my child’s mother. I thought “man, finally this is it.” It wasn’t long before I lost her and my son as well. I was already too far gone and couldn’t do right by myself, let alone anyone else. I overdosed, had seizures, went to rehabs, and got locked up again and again. I continued to spiral and I lost my relationship with my mother as well. It wasn’t until I hit my absolute bottom that I realized what person was really missing from my life and his name is Jesus Christ. Nothing could ever fill the void in my soul except him. Nothing ever worked before because Jesus wasn’t at the center of it. I can have hope on my own now without putting all my worth into another person. I know that I have a purpose and that is to help others. I know now that you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to love Jesus and accept that he loves you. I remember kneeling at the altar and just praying with all my heart and I wept for the first time in a very long time. When I stopped living my life for myself and started living it for him, he turned things around. He gave me better than I could ever give myself. He made me see that life isn’t over after losing and I can still grow. He put people in my life that care about me. He gave me a family with the church. He kept me out of jail. He kept me from wanting to ever use substances again, something I thought I would never say. I can assure you now that anything is possible through one name and that name is Jesus.