Before coming to Family Care Ministries I was living in the darkest place that my mind had ever seen. Growing up in a good home with a loving, supportive family I never truly faced or understood mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, feelings of worthlessness or abandonment. At least I had thought. Which made it very difficult to be able to understand or help address the emotions and feelings of others that were fighting their own internal battles, who needed me to be there. After becoming what I thought was pretty good at dealing with my problems and losses and keeping them to myself, I learned that all I was actually doing was letting them fester up inside me deep down where I kept shoving my emotions deep down on the most back burner that I could. I managed to do so by indulging myself in things like work, alcohol, and drugs.
Tobacco, alcohol and marijuana were introduced to me at a young age; I was about 13 but that was just the start of it. The start of something that I would have never thought would lead me to where it did. Hearing these substances being called “gateways” is something we all probably heard at some point in our lives. Like many, I was one who thought and said the famous last words of “Yea, but that won’t happen to me. I can control it, or I’m not addicted.” After years of continuous usage of snuff, cigarettes, alcohol, and smoking weed which had turned into a nonconscious daily habit. After I had graduated high school was the start of when I began to lose too many of my close loved ones in the matter of the next handful of years or so. Not realizing how much these things were actually ripping me apart on the inside, I had just gotten good at ignoring my emotions.
On one ordinary night, at least which I had thought, my life was about to take a change. For the first time, I tried cocaine. I fell in love. Little did I know or think that it would catch a hold of me as fast as it did, I was asking to get some for myself the next day. Coke had just become the next added habit along with the rest of them on top of the psychedelics or pills I would use as well. But a habit that I hid from most people, or lied about. I had become a functioning drug addict and probably alcoholic by this point without being able or should I say wanting to see it for what it was myself. Couple years of lying and hiding my coke addiction from everyone I was surrounded by including the ones who loved me most has gone by now. It was bad enough when I would get busted in a lie, that in my head I was telling in order to help keep from hurting those people. Not because I thought I was in the wrong, like most addicts, I would manipulate in order to try playing the victim card.
After a couple years of that, then the time came that I was staring at something I told myself I would never even think of doing. Yea, right. It was a face off, with literally no one else around, in an empty garage, me vs. meth. I lost. I now had fallen into a deeper love with that than I had with coke. Now, alcohol, weed, speed, and work was what had consumed me, what I woke up to live for. What helped contribute to the deconstruction of my life. The true meaningful things of life. The socialization and wanting to be around anyone, the close relationships with family and friends, the engagement of a nearly 9 year long relationship. I isolated myself in drugs and work and work and drugs. In September of 2021 I totaled my motorcycle, endured some minor injuries considering the extent of the crash and not wearing a helmet or protective gear of any sort. Three months later in December, I totaled my car, splitting a telephone pole in three and rolling until coming to a stop. No seat belt, I got out and helped slow traffic until the emergency responders had gotten there. I walked away with about a half dollar sized bruise on my thigh, that was it, went home afterwards. I should not have walked away from either of those crashes. To be completely honest, I was more disappointed that I actually did than if I would not have. I had gotten charged with the crash but also caught a possession charge when I crashed the car.
Nine months went by and I had not heard anything about the charges that were supposed to come from the drugs that they had found. Out of sight, out of mind. Nothing has changed, I’m still using as much as I ever had, being a functional addict, going to work and living my life. The famous last words of “that won’t happen to me” had turned into, “it’s a tool in order to be more productive and help me stay up and get more done.” September 16, 2022 I got picked up by DOT for a random inspection. This is when I came to find out I had a warrant for the court date I was unaware I missed from that possession charge. I got arrested for the first time ever, of course while in cuffs and searched I had a more drugs on me. Yet again, another possession charge.
After getting out of jail was when my mother had presented me with her help, her research that had taken her to finding Family Care Ministries. I was opposed to a six month residential commitment when it was first presented to me, due to the fact that not only did I not believe I needed that much of a program but I had a full time job, dog, and other commitments I did not know what I would do with. Basically, I was coming up with excuses of why not to go, like all addicts do. Family Care has not only helped me overcome my life controlling addictions but more importantly, acknowledge, face, and overcome the roots of which these addictions had stemmed from. The loss and life experiences that have occurred which resulted in depression, anxiety, and having no sense of self worth. Their lessons and teachings have helped me shed those old layers off in order to start putting on fresh ones, knowing that I can be a new creation in the eyes of Christ Jesus.